


Monstie Shots

by MeetTheTank



Category: Monster Hunter (Video Games), NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: A2 the Hunter, Crossover, Emil the Palico, Gen, Humor, Monster Hunter: World, One Shot Collection, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24317998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeetTheTank/pseuds/MeetTheTank
Summary: A small collection of oneshots for a dumb, fun, NieR: Automata and Monster Hunter World. Most of these will be very silly and based around the stupid jokes me and my buddies make while playing MHW or MHGU. This is entirely self indulgent and fun for me to write.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. A2's New Best Friend

The Elders Recess, although recently discovered, is something that A2 has taken a liking to. It’s secluded, too dangerous to build a new village like Astera, and filled to the brim with dangerous Monsters. Azure Rathalos, Bazelguese, Uragaan, and more Elder Dragons than she could count. It was a hunter’s paradise. Especially when said hunter is one of those melancholic loner types.

Despite preferring solitude, A2’s trusty Palico, Emil, is always by her side. The little grey Feylne pads behind her, his armor of repurposed Deviljho hide (he insisted on having armor that matched his Meowster’s Vangis Mail set) rattling with each step. The pair walk a short route between each of the Research Commission camps. Part of the deal A2 struck with the Commission for being left alone out here was that she take care of their stuff. That’s fine with her, it’s even relaxing in a weird way. It’s like cleaning a Kelbi carcass.

Just as she takes in the twinkling lights of the crystalline caverns, Emil’s thin grey fur stands on end, making him look twice as big. Though A2 immediately goes on the defensive as well, drawing her Greatsword, she can’t help but snicker at her partner. He looks like an angry little Palumu. 

“What’s wrong, buddy?” A2 asks. Her scoutflies were green and passive, idly flying between a herb plant and some crystalbursts.

“I smell something…” he hisses.

“A monster?”

“Yeah. Smells like a….” Emil puts his little nose in the air, “Dodogama.”

Dodogama. A goober of a monster in comparison to everything else that lives here. It’s the Great Jagras of the Elder’s Recess, with only Lavasioth sharing its place in the hierarchy of large monsters. It’s practically docile, only eats rocks and minerals, and is bullied by every other monster that comes across it. But it’s still a large monster and it’s still a threat to those who aren’t prepared. They throw their weight around with more skill than a Jagras, and their diet of the explosive volcanic rocks allowed them to spit up bombs at will.

So why aren’t her scoutflies acting up?

“Emil...We talked about these kinds of pranks…” A2 growls.

His ears fold flat against his head, “I’m not! I really do smell one!”

“You sure it’s not a dead one?” she snaps, “Because my scoutflies aren’t-”

Sure enough, a rotund, blue reptile trundles around a crystal. It’s beady yellow eyes unfocused and vacant as it scans for a meal across the ground. The light refracting from the crystalline cave makes the monster look more regal than its doofy expression suggests. It bangs the heavy plates of its enlarged jaw against a small section of rocks near a massive crystal spire, using the unique shape of its chin to scoop the broken rock into its mouth and happily gulp it down. 

A2 always found the behavior of the Dodogama to be endearing, like that of a child or a particularly stupid Moofa. But that wasn’t why A2 found herself staring at this empty-headed beast as it gleefully swallows rocks. This individual is….incredibly small, no bigger than Emil. In fact, if he wanted to, Emil could sit on its head and ride comfortably on the lumbering idiot. 

She approaches the runty Dodogama, making sure to strap the Consummate Blade to her back and quell it’s crackling dragonic energy so as not to spook the little guy. It looks up at her briefly, its eyes locking onto hers. If it were any other monster, A2 might have thought it was assessing her, seeing if she was a threat or not. But there’s something about it that makes it seem like there isn’t a single thought in its little blue head. Maybe it was the pale yellow eyes that veer off in different directions, or the disproportionate size of its fat little body to its head, or its stumpy legs and tail. 

It’s all...too much for A2 to resist. 

The Dodogama makes an adorable honk as A2 pats it on the head.

“Ah! What are you doing?!” Emil yowls.

A2 shoots her partner a glare, “What? I’m just giving it a pat.”

“Thats-...It could-...” Emil stammers, “It’s a meownster!”

“But it’s…” A2 is fully aware of how dumb this is, but the little Dodogama grunts impatiently when she withdraws her hand, “Oh shut up Emil, it’s just a little guy. He’s not hurting anyone.”

The Dodogama saunters over to Emil, who hisses and bounds behind A2’s legs. He clutches his appropriately sized Savage Deviljho hammer and eyes the Dodogama with suspicion. 

A2 chuckles quietly, “Okay, we gotta get moving. See ya, little guy.”

She gives Emil a reassuring pet on the head before starting on the path back to the upper Camp. Emil’s quiet padding across the gravel ground echos through the cavern, as well as A2’s own footsteps and the quiet tinkling of crystals falling from the ceiling. There’s also the sound of something heavy dragging across the ground not too far behind them.

Spinning around, A2 finds the Dodogama runt right on her heels. It stares up at her with those beady, vacant eyes as if expecting something. It’s hard to tell with it since, well...it’s stupid. Maybe it just wants a friend.

“Go on, shoo!” Emil meows, waving his white paws at it. The Dodogama just tilts its fat head to the side. A2 swears she hears something rattle around in its empty skull.

A2 and the little monster stare at each other for a long moment. She wants to think she sees something in its eyes, but just as before, she can’t see any semblance of intelligence. Or thought. Or anything besides hot air. The lights are on, but nobody’s home. There’s nothing but air and love in this runt of a creature’s head. She can’t recall the last time she felt this attached to something. Even her possessions are a means of an end to A2, she can’t claim to be enamored to anything she owns or anyone she knows (except Emil of course). But this brainless beast is just….so stupid. It eats rocks for crying out loud. 

“...He’s coming with us.” A2 announces.

“What!?” Emil meows, “You gotta be kidding me!”

“Nope, it’s stupid and I love it.”


	2. Stinky vs Bath Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Kilo!

“Ugh,” 9S grumbles, “Could you not roll around in that?! Who knows where it’s been?!”

The young man in Odogaron armor shoots a glare at 9S through his helmet, “Buzzkill. You never let me do anything fun.”

“The Rotten Vale is nasty enough without you being...like this.” 9S snaps and tightens the air filter on his Pukie-Pukie mask.

“Bite me, Nines.”

Odie (sometimes called Stinky because, well...he stinks), the formerly feral man, dives back into the Legiana carcass to search for more forgotten treasures. Bones, scales, undamaged organs, membranes, whatever odds and ends he can scavenge before the Girros pick the bones clean. He pries a few brittle bones out of the mess tendons and ligaments. Nothing the blacksmith can use in the way of weapons or armor, but useful nonetheless.

“Come on, Stinky. The Raddobaan tracks lead this way.” 9S says, pointing the tip of his Insect Glaive towards a large pass in the rock.

“Fiiine.” Odie whines, then whistles for his Palico. “Dirt! Let’s go!”

A scrawny brown Feylne in armor that matches his Meowster’s bounds out of the Legiana carcass, “Dirt!!” he meows.

* * *

“2B!!! Let me in!!” Odie yells, stamping his foot on the floor for extra measure.

“Absolutely not.” 2B stands firm, arms crossed over her chest with her stern Palico, 042, right beside her in the same stance, “You’re living up to your nickname. You’re not coming inside the house until you have a bath.”

“Come on!! I smell fine!” he whips around to face 9S, “You’ve had no problem the whole trip back, vouch for me here!”

9S, 9S’ palico Pascal, and Dirt all stand at least ten feet away from Odie, “No way, Stinky. You’ll get rot smell in all the fabrics. Either take a bath or sleep outside.”

“Maybe I will sleep outside!!”

Odie storms off, shoving his way through 9S and the Palicos to his secret sulking corner. It’s far away from the noise and bustle of the marketplace, or 2B and 9S and their insistence on things not smelling like dead monsters. Sometimes he forgets that his upbringing wasn’t exactly normal. People didn’t grow up in the Rotten Vale at the side of a mother Odogaron.

He curls up in his dark little corner where even the rats now flee in terror from his stench. He hisses at a fat one that saunters after its brethren as if it had personally insulted him.

“It’s not even that I don’t like baths…” he mumbles to himself, “Maybe I just like stinking, 2B.”

Sulking doesn’t ever do him any good, at least not without using his sharpened stick to carve some doodles into the floor. But even his little crude drawings don’t help him feel less...bad. He feels bad. He’s not sure about what, but...maybe a bath will help.

Odie slumps off to the hotsprings, admiring the stars of the night sky, then realizing as well that it was suddenly night time. He must have lost track of time in his sulking corner. At least that meant that the hotsprings would be empty and no one could get mad at him for making the water smell like stale meat.

“I got worried when you didn’t come home for dinner.” A voice says to him from one of the baths.

Odie jumps a little, startled by the sudden appearance of 2B, “I-...I wanted to sulk.”

“I know. 9S’ kinsect saw you in your sulking corner,” She says with a smile.

“I thought that was a secret...” he makes a mental note to punch 9S and his little bug, 153, later.

“It was for about a day.” 2B admits, “Come on, you can eat while you bathe.”

Odie glances at the plate of meats and veggies, then the steaming water with 2B lounging in it, and meekly strips down. He slides into the springs besides 2B, averting his gaze from hers and focusing on his food instead.

“Thanks…” he mutters while chewing a mouthful of roasted veggies, “...’S good.”

“Want me to wash your hair?” 2B asks.

“Sure…”

So long as 2B didn’t tell anyone how he purrs like an Odogaron pup when she scrubs his hair, he might be more...compliant when it comes to bath time in the future.


End file.
